How to Deal With Jealousy

How can you deal with jealousy?


Jealousy is the worst.  It makes you feel awful about yourself and often time Jealousy lashes out at other people and pulls them into your problems.  We look at others and we decide to measure our lives based off of theirs.  Every life is different, everyone is different and you cannot go through life judging your happiness off of the accomplishments other people have made.


In order to deal with jealousy it’s important to recognize the symptoms and find a way to turn them for the positive.


1. Recognize the feeling of jealousy.  Jealousy is a way for your psyche to tell you it is unhappy. When you feel jealous, it means you feel entitled to something but someone else has what you feel entitled to.  Most times it’s a friend or colleague that causes these feelings.  When I get jealous I feel it in my gut, but jealousy can attack other places in your body, in places where you hold tension.  Extrapolate how it makes you feel. Angry? Perhaps, a little sick? How is it affecting your thinking? Can you feel it infect your mind and turn your thoughts sour? You need to know that life isn’t about competition.  When you meet someone who is very likable, charismatic and gets more attention than you, this is a person you want to know. As an object of jealousy successful charming people are perceived as a danger to you; as a friend that same person is an invaluable tool of growth. You can try and learn from them and become a more confident person who can see the value of their own worth.


2. Ask Yourself why? Jealousy is a natural feeling to have when you see someone else getting the promotion you wanted, or dating that girl that you like.  It is not constructive to give in to that jealousy or indulge in its’ anger.  Why are you feeling this lacking? Remember, it’s not about them it’s about you.  Is there something you know you could have done better to get that promotion?  Why did that promotion matter so much? Why is that girl the one you need to be with? Is she even worth you getting so upset over? What you should do is recognize your capacity for more personal growth and become a better person who you are more proud to be. If you like yourself then you’ll know your promotion is coming and someone else even better for you will come along.


3. Stop comparing yourself. The first step to turning things around is to stop holding yourself to other peoples standards.  Everyone has a different story, when you see someone else your age that is more successful, don’t get jealous of that person; rather learn from them.  What have they done to get where they are? Can you take a lesson away and apply that to yourself?  Perhaps they were just well connected, or in the right place at the right time, you may learn something new and actually improve yourself from the lesson.  Either way, if all you do is become jealous then you will lose focus on what is important and fall even father behind and all that will grow is your bitterness and your resentment.  Again you ego is making this about everyone else, look inward, how can you improve or perhaps just be happy with who and where you are.


4.Learn to let things go You need to stop holding on.  So Johnson got that big client and you didn’t. Don’t wallow and obsess over why him and why not you.  Why him? Why anybody? It’s just the way it went, accept that and work toward the next goal.  The same goes for relationships.  Your friend took the other guy to the ball game, so what? Go watch with someone else.  That girl you liked is dating your best friend. Sure, that’s rough for a bit, but realize your best friend is a great guy. Why else is he your best friend?  Be happy for him and go find a woman who likes you, you’ll be happier then anyhow.


5. Focus on YOUR OWN shortcomings. Remember this is about you, not the person you are jealous of.  You need to find out what it is that is making you feel so inferior.  What about yourself do you not like? Why don’t you like that?  Learn more about yourself and cultivate a personality you want to have. Never try and coop someone else’s personality, don’t be jealous of someone and try to become him or her. That’s creepy and weird! Find out who you are and become the best you that you can become. People will like you better if you are yourself and that doesn’t even matter because the only opinion that matters is your own.


6. Have faith in your self Jealousy is your inner fear getting the best of you.  The fear that you’ll never have what someone else has and in someway you are being cheated out of something.  It’s not true, everyone has the capacity to grow and get what they want, don’t focus on what someone else has, think about what you want and remember never to hold on to anything so tightly. Loosen your grip on ego and expectations and let yourself find a way to happiness. Don’t try and jam yourself into a fake mold of happiness you invented, be like water and flow into your destiny.


Happy Introspection Austin!!